Asshole Things People Who Don’t Apologize Say

Shit happens. People make mistakes. Emotions get the best of us. But that doesn’t make it okay to treat the people you love like garbage, and there comes a time when we all must take back or apologize for things we’ve done or said. Whether or not someone accepts your apology and forgives you is another story, but being big enough to admit you’ve been an ass is good for your own well-being if nothing else.

You can care about someone, say you’re sorry, and actually mean it, or if you’d rather solidify your status as an ass, you can try out one of the following phrases in place of a real, sincere apology. 

1. I’m sorry you feel that way. First of all, you can’t regret my reaction to what you say or do. You can only regret your words and actions, so don’t insult me with this slap-in-the-face cop out. Secondly, I’m not sorry for my feelings – believe it or not, I’m entitled to them. They’re mine. I own them.

2. Someday you’ll realize I was right.  This is wishful thinking on your part that I’ll someday get a lobotomy and totally forget the things you said or did, and we’ll have a slow-mo, running-into-each-other’s-arms moment like in a cheesy movie. Cute, but no. “Forgive and forget” is all well and good in theory, but it implies one of two things – either both of us make an effort to right things and move forward, or we go our separate ways and move on. And this non-apology is clearly the path to the latter.

3. I’m not being mean, I’m being truthful. Newsflash! You can be truthful and honest, AND respectful and understanding AT THE SAME TIME. You don’t need to be condescending or rude to get your point across, and a little empathy goes a long way. Tough love has a time and place, but must also be encouraging and supportive to be effective. There’s a difference between constructive criticism and just being a dick. 

4. The truth hurts. This goes hand in hand with #3, and you know what? It’s not the truth that hurts, it’s you. Situations can be disheartening, but the real pain comes from being torn down by someone you care about. Being betrayed and abandoned by someone you thought was in your corner is what hurts, regardless of the circumstances.

5. I didn’t mean to insult you. Really? Reeeeally? Pretty sure you knew exactly what you did and said. And if you truly didn’t mean to insult me with your insults then…wait for iiiiit…you’d be sorry! Rather than making any kind of effort toward resolution or closure, this non-apology is a lame attempt to hide behind your pride and imply an overreaction on my part. The “I’m Right, You’re Wrong” attitude is self-centered and closed-minded. It’s no fun for anyone, but if asserting your sense of rightness is that important, knock yourself out.

If you find yourself saying these asshole things instead of actually apologizing, chances are the person on the other end of the conversation saw right through it and has lost faith in your relationship. You win?